Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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