Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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