OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
