I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
