Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
