And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
