dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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