He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
