those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You need Xanax blowdarts
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
