Dual....:-)
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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