OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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