I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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