I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Can i not drive my cunt home
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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