I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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