drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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