Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
