I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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