i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
