Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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