my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
