I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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