I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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