So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
