dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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