The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
