Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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