a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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