dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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