This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
