Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
