Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
