Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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