If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
