Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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