I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
