I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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