Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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