My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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