i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
