He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
