I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
