Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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