Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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