i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
