Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
