I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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