I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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