..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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