lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
