I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
