Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
